Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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