thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
