I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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