; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
