Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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