when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This is the high leading the old right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
