I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
