She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
