Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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