I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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