This girl is more easily done than said...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
