i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
