Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
