u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize