he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize