Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
