I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why do cheetos always look like penises
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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