A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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