I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
