I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
