WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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