My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
