Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
