Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
