College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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