I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
