time to smoke my breakfast
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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