It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
