It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
