are you still at the devil's house?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
