Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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