Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
