So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
