I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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