Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
