We won't sleep together?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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