That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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