weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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