If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
