His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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