I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
