cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
