I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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