Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
