We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
