The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
