he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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