that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
