well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
