I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
