Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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