If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
