Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
