I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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