well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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