There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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