Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
