I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
