you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
