Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
