Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
