he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
worst night to have a conscience
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
