he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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