i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
