Will you blow on my dice?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
