so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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