I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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