Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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