is wine microwaveable?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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