i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
