3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
