if you like me you must not know who I am
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
