He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
