I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
