When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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