Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
try to milk me bitch
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