i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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