i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize